When it comes to addictions, gambling may not be the first one you think of, but it’s a big problem in the United States, and it’s only gotten worse with the legalization of sports betting. Disturbingly, gambling addiction is now growing fastest among teenagers and twentysomethings.

According to the National Library of Medicine, gambling addiction also has “the highest suicide rate of any addiction disorder with one in five patients having attempted suicide.” So, in order to spread awareness, we visited Quora to gather firsthand stories from people who have lived with a gambling addiction:

Warning: This post includes discussion of suicide.

1.“It’s shit basically, awful, and only gets worse as time goes on. They say it’s a progressive illness, and it sure is. I went from a job, home, family, girlfriend, and normalcy to sleeping in the local park and facing a prison sentence due to the effects of compulsive gambling.”

“It starts great, a few wins here and there, and it’s exciting, but pretty soon, without you knowing, it takes a grip on you. Denial sets in where you cover the addiction to family and friends because, basically, you don’t want to stop. You start to plan your next gambling adventure, your next session, and you forget your interests and hobbies. You forget your morals and standards as a person, too, as the addiction takes hold, and you simply feed it, never yourself.”

—Liam C., Quora

2.“I have been addicted to coke, Adderall, meth, cigarettes, and gambling. When I found out I was going to be a father, I quit a $180-a-day coke habit. I went from 120mg of Adderall a day to my regular dose. I drew back from the meth before it destroyed me. Slowly laid off the smoking with the help of Chantix. All of these were not terribly difficult to overcome. No detox horror stories. No terrible comedowns. It sucked, but life went on, no problemo. Except gambling…”

“I went into a casino in Kansas City for the first time at 23 and…won $750! And I only walked in with $40 — holy shit! I left and bought some things that I needed. All good, right? Well, then I started going back a bit more. I was in a crappy relationship at the time, but sitting in front of that slot machine, I didn’t have to worry about any of that mess. The world faded away. One time, I spent 32 hours straight in the casino. Your concept of time will diminish unless you keep your phone handy and take notice, but even then, just…10 more minutes and I’ll cash out. Okay, after I smoke this cigarette. Ah, but now I am up $17! I’ll quit when $10 of that is gone, definitely…

I’m now almost 38 years old. I live in Oklahoma, where three mega-casinos are within 20 minutes each way. It’s that bad here. Billboards. Radio spots. Ads on television all the time. Newspapers are touting how great it is that in a state with only 3 million people, gaming revenue is now over a billion dollars. I believe we are the number three state with the most casinos now if not number four. We also have the highest incarceration rate for both men and women in America. One of the highest divorce rates and a high suicide rate as well, but hey, at least now dice games just got the okay in this state; let’s celebrate!

I have a good job, a wife, an 11-year-old daughter, a car, friends, and hobbies. On the outside, I am outgoing, athletically fit, well-read, funny, and usually the life of the party. You would never know the reality of it all. I have a maxed-out credit card; luckily, it only has a $400 limit, but it is still embarrassing. Three-quarters of my check is deposited into my wife’s accounts because I’m a gambling addict. I usually gamble away whatever is left. I have had a gym membership for two months but have never been. One year, when we were in Kansas City for Christmas, I gambled all the Christmas money, all the traveling money, everything… I had to borrow from friends so we could make it home. A few months later, my wife cheated on me, and by that point, who could blame her?

I don’t gamble to that extreme anymore, but I still have a maxed-out credit card and an unused gym membership. I am going to try and go an entire month without gambling as of Monday. It can’t keep going at this rate. I have to lie to cover up why I am gone in the middle of the night. How many precious moments have I lost with my daughter? She is now 11. I missed out on a lot of time that I could have been bonding with her. Time can never be redone so now, only regrets. Fifteen years of it feels like a lifetime, and now I am just tired and worn out. Us gambling addicts have the highest rate of suicide over all other addictions combined. Sounds fun, doesn’t it?!”

—Michael, Quora

3.“I had a slot machine addiction that lasted 41 years. I played for long sessions, losing many tens of thousands and being many thousands in debt. I had a shite childhood with really poor conditions, and my dad turned to gambling when my mum left him and I was just 7. It’s no surprise I followed in my dad’s footsteps.”

“Thankfully, slot machine addiction was my only vice, and after 41 years, I woke up nearly eight months ago and said, ‘That’s it, no more slots,’ and that was the first time I had quit for good. Just six weeks ago, I completed paying off a £42,000 debt, and for the first time since I was 18, I am debt-free and slot machine-free.”

—Plaza, Quora

4.“I was addicted to gambling for many years, and it turned my life into a nightmare. My husband was a person with alcoholism, and I started to gamble just to get away from him. I gambled on everything. I started with bingo, then learned about off-track betting, lotteries…the list went on. My bets got bigger, and I was going into debt, but I didn’t care. All the while, I kept this secret.”

“Then, the candy store on my corner put in slot machines, which was my heaven. I called in sick to my job and was in the candy store day and night. One night I finally hit rock bottom and was ready to kill myself. I went home and called the Gamblers Anonymous hotline. They told me there was a Saturday morning meeting. I finally told my husband because I was $30,000 in debt and he was so understanding. I went to the 12-step program and found the comfort and understanding I needed. They gave me a sponsor and a list of phone numbers of the members you can call anytime, and I knew I was in the right place. I’ve been a member for 29 years.”

—Mary Ann B., Quora

5.“I started gambling a few months ago after quitting my job. I had reasonable savings that would’ve lasted me for at least six months. Aside from that, I earn passive income and make sales monthly. Still, I’m down to my last cents and have been taking money from my family account. I’ve tried to quit gambling, but I just can’t. I haven’t bought myself anything nice all year and have nothing to show for all the money I’ve been making.”

—Neliswa M., Quora

6.“Do you mean when you’ve run out of money and walk around, waiting for people to get up so you can hopefully find a slot machine with some money still on it? Maybe you’re talking about pulling all the seats out of the car at 2 a.m. in hopes of finding some loose change, at least enough to make a buck to go into the machine for that 1-cent each button push to hit something big on a penny?”

“Or perhaps you’re driving to the grocery store to write a check for something you don’t need just to get $20 in cash. Then, when that $20 runs out, you return what you bought earlier and threaten to call the CEO if they don’t give you cash rather than a store gift card.

Or, having $20 stashed for gas and ending up talking your brain into using it (I’ll win with this $20 and put it back!), only to use all the gas money and barely make it to the gas station where you look the role to get people to feel sorry for you and let you borrow from them. And then maybe, or maybe not, the brain goes, Well, I have $20 now they gave me and just enough fumes to get back to the casino, and this time, I’ll hit it big. No way am I screwing up this time…and then a few hours later, you’re back at another gas station.

Then there’s falling asleep at the machines, standing in the restrooms, eating places, lawns, parks, etc. And the pawn shops…I would say 50% of what’s in a pawn shop comes from the love of gambling.

Maybe it’s the family and friends who won’t even take your calls WHATSOEVER.

BUT there’s hope. There are payday loan companies near the casinos, go figure. And there’s the feeling of being out of money all day, and things turn around, and someone gives you $20, and you put it into the machine, and WIN a $1,400 jackpot! THERE is a god!!

An hour or so later, though, after you’ve spent the whole $1,400, you have this stupid, empty feeling because an hour ago you had $1,400 after being broke and eating leftovers out of McDonald’s trash, and now you’re sitting there like an idiot, broke again.

I won over $100k one year and never went home with a dime.

I lost a lot of teeth from neglect and quit taking my meds because they cost money I used to gamble.

I knew just about every courthouse/jail in two-to-three states.

When you realize what’s going on, it’s usually too late. I quit 10 years ago. No magic formula, just quit.”

—Mustang Mark, Quora

7.“I have been a gambling addict for over half my life. Just writing that makes me think…Really? Many of the biggest parts of being a gambling addict are often not clearly said, so let me share a few things from my own experience:”

“Almost all of us lead or have led double lives.

A lot of addicts keep their jobs and families together for a long time.

Most of us do have social lives and like to party.

We love our kids, family, and friends.

We know gambling is bad for us.

Most of us are addicted to machines, not the cards or roulettes.

Most of us hate the casinos and see them for what they really are.

Over time, our social and love lives slowly disappear.

Our double lives slowly merge over time.

90% of us suffer from depression of some sort.

A lot of us consider death by suicide.

Our sex lives suck.

We become emotionally numb.

Money has no value.

We all remember the wins, never the losses.

Take it from a guy who lost nearly everything that matters in life but got promotion after promotion at work.

If you like gambling, be careful. Find something else to do that you really like.”

—Paul K., Quora

8.“As a new casino dealer (1.5 years), coming face-to-face with the addictive power of gambling has been challenging. Here’s an example of how severe gambling addiction can be: I had a player who was jonesing for a cigarette. I politely pointed him to the smoking patio and said I could hold his seat for him. He said that he couldn’t dare leave for fear that he was going to miss a big hand. I wanted to say, ‘You know that we are a 24/7 casino, so you can indulge in both addictions,’ but I stopped myself. It was startling to me that gambling could trump a smoking addiction.”

—Robert E., Quora

9.“It’s a terrible series of events that never end and keeps you saying you’re going to quit when you win a certain amount of money, but we know that never happens, at least not for 99% of gamblers. I don’t want to ever relive those moments, even in my head, but I would say it’s like being constantly given short sticks while you’re trapped in a big hole, and instead of constructing the sticks into a ladder to get out, you keep burning them for a fast, good feeling of heat.”

—Mezi N., Quora

10.“I walked away from a wife of 32 years and three adult children. Why? Because being a father and a husband interfered with my gambling. Now, I sit alone with just enough money to get by and no family. My children, all in their 40s, haven’t spoken to me in over 20 years. I’ve tried to have some contact, but it seems like it’s not going to happen, and there is only one person to blame, and that’s myself.”

—Woody H., Quora

11.“Life basically sucks as a gambling addict. Gambling addiction goes hand in hand with depression. Gambling really sucks the life out of a person.”

“Whenever you’ve got money, you have the urge to gamble. When you gamble, most of the time, you lose money. In the beginning, the addiction starts with chasing losses because you really don’t have the money to gamble away. It makes you feel like shit, and this is the second reason you want to continue gambling. Gambling numbs the pain. For a moment, while the slots are spinning, you feel like a potential winner.

Most of the time, we lose, but there are moments when we have a good day and make some profit. You will feel on top of the world. But it’s so damn hard to walk away. So you will keep gambling until all of the money is gone again. It always ends up with losing everything. It doesn’t have to be on the same day. Even if you manage to walk away, you will go back the next day. The thrill of winning doesn’t go away, and you will want to make more money. And when you gamble away again, you feel worse than before.

It’s a vicious cycle; more gambling leads to more problems. So you try to numb the pain of these problems by gambling. There’s also a lot of magical thinking: Maybe I will win this time, and if I do, it will solve all my problems.”

—Anonymous, Quora

12.“Imagine that the only time you feel good is when you are gambling. Now imagine the rest of your life is a hell of screaming anxiety — ‘Can I pay the rent? Am I at the limit on my credit cards? Can I afford to pay for my prescription meds? Is that a phone call from a collection agency? WHAT IF MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS DISCOVER MY ADDICTION? I am so ashamed.’ This is your internal dialogue. The only time you feel better is when you are gambling. Your problems disappear, and you have no responsibilities at that moment. It’s like that, but much worse.”

—Liz S., Quora

13.“It’s terrible. I have a lot of addictions, and it’s definitely one of the worst. It costs me more than all of my other addictions put together, and most of the time, I put it before anything else. I rarely ever win, and even when I do, it never comes close to what I’ve lost. But I keep going back every chance I get.”

—Jerry T., Quora

Did you or someone you know have a gambling addiction? Let us know about it in the comments or via this anonymous form and it could be featured in a future BuzzFeed Community post.

Entries have been edited for length/and or clarity.

If you or someone you know is struggling with gambling addiction, you can call the National Problem Gambling Helpline at 1-800-GAMBLER, and find more resources here.