So brave.
Irish influencer Trisha Lewis has revealed that as had a secret battle with a gambling addiction over the years.
Mostly known as @trishas.transformation, the chef made it big on Instagram after she gained more than 224k followers when she shared her weight loss journey online.
Taking to social media on Sunday evening, Trisha opened up for the first time about her addiction, writing: “Probably a part of my life I never thought I would tell but here goes. Like everyone I have a past and part of my past is that I am addicted to gambling.
“Even writing this my head tells me ‘no you just like cards and kinda lost money.’ It’s amazing the power of that inner voice has.
“A part of my life before Trisha’s transformation is in fact that I lost everything I had in the casino time and time again. For all of my 20’s I played in the casino nearly 7 nights of the week, Christmas Eve, NYE it didn’t matter if it was open I went.”
“It was my safe place and the place where I could self destruct a life I didn’t really like,” she went on to add.
“My gambling addiction was a slow burner that ended on a cresendo where I wanted to jump into the river outside the casino most weekends. Writing that hurts my heart but it is the truth. The damage it did on my mental health was terrifying.
“I couldn’t see a way out and all I wanted was to be normal. My weight for me was a huge factor. The casino was the only place I felt accepted. The only place I could socialise on a Saturday night without being laughed at.
“My gambling addiction started from loneliness and continued with an addiction that I battled for years.”
“I continued on with my career and only my very inner circle started to see cracks as I was slowly losing myself and asking for loans more often. Why I’m sharing this is because I have come out the other side and I’m no longer embarrassed to say it,” Trisha said.
“I’m no longer afraid when I get a DM saying that someone’s boyfriend knows me from poker. It’s no longer something I blame myself for.
“Lockdown for me finally stopped the card playing and for that I am grateful. I started therapy in lockdown as I felt my head was beginning to get down again and I went to see a therapist on gambling and binge eating.
“Through every session I began to understand where my addiction has come from and Helen gave me tools that are invaluable for me to avoid this happening me again.
“Credit cards, loans, waiting for 12am on a Friday night to get paid while sitting in the casino were all part of my life in the past and to see me now jogging around the place brings tears to my eyes.”
Admitting that she is now “finally free” she opened up about heading away with her family to Amsterdam, finally being able to go after she missed the last trip due to her addiction.
“So to go finally and be happy with my family was incredible. Surreal. I know that me having a page with a following means that I have to be a cool blogger now and I guess I don’t see this very often online but it’s part of my past and my story and I am no longer ashamed of myself, I’m proud of my strength and resilience and for sticking around when the going got rough,” she confessed.
“If gambling stays a taboo shameful secret it will always win. I am always going to have this addiction but knowledge is power. I can not tell you how different my life is.
“From begging to be barred at the casino to now running around the place and taking on challenges I know I can win – life couldn’t be more different.
“Losing money gave me a numbness of the pain my head was in. I ended up owing a lot of money and I woke every day for years with a worry that crushed my chest.
“I can’t help you but what I can tell you is ask for help. Tell someone because it can be stopped. Google gambling addiction help Ireland asap and start fresh.
“You do not have to fight this fear alone. No matter how bad the damage is nothing is worse than you not being here. Don’t let gambling win. For the first time ever let it lose.”