Correction: Democrat Susanna Gibson narrowly lost her House of Delegates race to Republican David Owen. This column has been updated to reflect that result.
Two years ago, my gambler friend, Frankie Four Eyes, went over the moon when Republican Glenn Youngkin beat Democrat Terry McAuliffe. Among other things, that meant I owed Frankie lunch — such was our annual wager.
Naturally, he got to pick the restaurant — Frankie chose Inka Grill on Jefferson Street. He ordered for both of us. We feasted on expertly cooked salmon, served with tasty pesto sauce, over al dente pasta. It was marvelous.
Even better — for Frankie — it was free. That’s a significant consideration when loads of your income goes to bookmakers, you know? Between bites, Frankie couldn’t resist gloating, as I silently stewed and plotted revenge.
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That future arrived Tuesday. Our 2023 election bet concerned control of the Virginia General Assembly. The Democrats won both legislative chambers, so I’m the victor. And now it’s my turn to pick the restaurant and the meal.
Our wager was open-ended, meaning we set no upper-dollar limit on the cost of the meal or getting there. And lately I’ve been feeling a keen sense of wanderlust.
Wednesday I found a fantastic place that’s almost as good as Mac and Bob’s in Salem. It’s the Poreho Restaurant, on the island of Tikehau. That’s part of the Tuamotu Archipelago in French Polynesia. (Fret not, I can’t pronounce those places either.)
The Fodor’s listing sports triple-dollar signs and no menu prices — a combo that usually portends an eye-popping restaurant check.
Including the private jet Frankie hires to get us to the South Pacific, then a water ferry to Tikehau, Frankie might have to use three credit cards to make good on this lost wager. Or cash in some of his Bitcoin.
Either way, I’ve planned a scrumptious, money-is-no-object three-course celebration meal.
We’ll begin with an appetizer of minced potted mahi-mahi served with steamed coconut crabs and confit tomatoes.
The main course is organic filet of braised lamb (flown in fresh from New Zealand) served on a bed of taro leaves with Marquesas Islands honey and ginger sauce. Yum.
Dessert will be banana-and-rum cake smothered in coconut milk-mousse, complemented with Swiss coffee and Belizean cigars.
Is there a more appropriate way to mark the Democrats’ amazing victory?
Even better, Frankie’s totally unaware of my plans. I figured it would be fun to surprise him by announcing it in the newspaper. Let’s hope he doesn’t have a stroke.
Truth is, it could have been far worse. Monday on the phone when we nailed down our 2023 wager, Frankie was in San Francisco, and feeling lucky. He almost roped me into taking a side bet on Henrico Democrat Susanna Gibson vs. Republican David Owen.
Democrat Susanna Gibson and Republican David Owen are running in House District 57, which includes western Henrico County and eastern Goochland County.
Her innovative House race was the only 2023 legislative contest I covered. You could call it revolutionary, although that would be an inapt description. Gibson live-streamed making whoopie with her husband and promised pay-per-viewers their money would go to “a good cause.”
“I’ll take Gibson if you give me 8 points,” I told Frankie.
He refused, and didn’t counter, so we never got a bet down on that race. But guess what? According to the Virginia Department of Elections, Owen beat Gibson 51% to 48%. Wow.
That demonstrates just how strong the Democrats were on Tuesday, despite tens of millions that Youngkin invested in Republican candidates. The GOPers just couldn’t catch a break in 2023. Even a porn-starring Democrat almost won.
Had I bet on Gibson and won, I would’ve demanded a payoff of slaughtered Himalayan yak, spit-roasted over open flames, atop Mount Everest. That would’ve cost Frankie even more than the jaunt to French Polynesia.
So he should consider himself fortunate, right? Porters for Himalayan expeditions aren’t cheap. And besides that, Frankie can take a bit of solace in the notion that he wasn’t Tuesday’s biggest loser.
Who was? For that we turn to the bard of Virginia politics, University of Virginia political scientist Larry Sabato. He had the funniest quip Tuesday night.
“CLEARANCE SALE: all ‘Youngkin for President 2024’ merchandise,” Sabato posted on X, the former Twitter. “A free MyPillow comes with all purchases over $1. NO RETURNS.”
Tuesday’s election returns were dismal for Glenn Youngkin. He got little for all the money he burned — and Democrats now occupy an even more powerful position in Richmond. In the wake of Tuesday’s election, it appears the nascent, national draft Youngkin movement has veered off the highway and crashed in a ravine.
Maybe I’ll pick up some of those Youngkin gimcracks cheap, for Frankie.
His tears would look good on a My Pillow!