Why do blokes get all the fun on gambling apps? I want gender equity in all facets of life. And if that means equal opportunity to become a gambling addict … then I’ll fight for it.
This is the part where I remind people I’m a comedian. I understand gambling can ruin lives. But the following is simply the tale of six grown women who are definitely gambling responsibly. In fact, every time you hear an ad say “gamble responsibly” a picture of us fumbling our way through a betting app with our $5 bets should pop up.
An all-female gambling club – what are the odds?Credit: iStock
Enter the Ladies Investment Club (LIC as it’s known in the group chat) – a small-time punters club made up of six female friends. We tried to enlist more, but they laughed in our faces. “You serious? Nah, I’m out.” What this does tell me is 50 per cent of my friendship group was interested. Hello gambling giants? Is female-led gambling an untapped market perhaps? I used to work in marketing and am available for a brainstorm.
Sportsbet would say, in an overly blokey tone, “we bet with mates”. In our case, “we bet with the bitches”. I admit, the slogan needs work.
The LIC was one of those rare drunken ideas that actually came to life. What are the odds of that? I’d say 10-1. We wanted a way to save for our end-of-year Christmas party but make it a little bit fun. We contribute $20 or $25 every month. I’m never really sure about the amount but our head investor – a vaccine scientist by day – reminds me in the group chat every time it’s due.
Half the money is saved and goes to the Christmas party – a tradition we’ve had for 16 years – and the other half goes to our “investments” in the hope we win big and can sub prosecco for champagne at the party. I do acknowledge “investments” is a problematic way of saying gambling.
Our head investor takes time out of her busy workday to place all our bets. Of course, it’s all completed in work time. All life admin – from paying bills and dating to studying and gambling – should be done on work time. And if you’re not completing life admin on your boss’s dime, start tomorrow.
Our lead investor operates a very transparent spreadsheet with two tabs. The first tab has a list of all our lucky numbers, favourite colours, preferred sports teams and players. The second tab is a complete list of our transactions, most of which have failed. We’re only halfway through the year, so we still have about five more chances of having a big win and therefore a bigger Christmas party.
Sometimes we invest in a raffle ticket for a house on a canal in Nooooooosa where we could live our share house retirement dream after we’ve killed off our husbands. Sometimes we get a hot tip-off from a friend of a friend who owns 5 per cent of a horse that’s racing in Grafton. Just $5 each way, thanks. For the record, it came third.
A rare winner: Our gambling club correctly predicted the colour of the Princess of Wales coronation garb.Credit: Getty
We were also a part of an office golf tipping competition for which we’ve had to enlist the help of one of the LIC’s in-the-know nephews for a prize pool valued at $70,000. Yep, that’s what you read – a SEVENTY THOUSAND DOLLAR prize pool at a work tipping competition. No, I cannot name the company. But it’s made up of 80 per cent dudes. Turns out we’re all gambling on work time. By the way, we came in at 800-and-something.
The only money we’ve ever won is on the aforementioned horse, guessing which song Rihanna would end with during her Superbowl half-time show, which colour Princess Kate was going to wear to the coronation and which song was going to top the Triple J Hottest 100. We came close with an NRL Magic Round multi, but one of the investors got cocky and suggested a margin, and it all came undone.
Our monthly LIC punts are a very wholesome experience and perhaps a window into our future bingo/ bridge/mahjong playing days. Some of us live in different cities and lead busy lives and the LIC is a way for us to keep in touch. Our Girls’ Christmas party is the one event for which we’ll drop everything. And if we can scrape a few extra dollars together for our big annual event, in the name of gender equity, we’ll do that.
At this point in the year, the spreadsheet tells me we’ll probably be drinking prosecco unless we have a big win. There’s always hope. Gamble responsibly.
Lizzy Hoo is a stand-up comedian, writer, actor and presenter.
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